Wednesday, August 31, 2011

It won't be like this for long

I'm sure most of you have heard the country song that inspired today's title. I heard it for the first time just days before Sammie was born. However, it's become even more of a mantra with Lily. It's especially poignant today, as I know that I have only 6 days left of maternity leave.

No part of Lily's life has yet to last long. My labor with her lasted less than 4 hours. My water was broken at 2:45 and Lily was born at 6:29, without time even for an epidural. Lily, with her head full of hair, came so quickly that the doctor never even made it in the room.

At less than two weeks old, Lily started sleeping through the night. She continues to this day, sleeping 7-8 hours straight, waking to join me in bed, then sleeping another 3-4 hours. This is one thing I do hope lasts.

Lily wasn't even a month old when she began smiling. Her smiles are huge, spreading ear to ear. Quite often, those smiles are accompanied by laughs and coos. At her 2-month check-up, her pediatrician said, "I can't get over how social she is!" My baby's already growing up too fast.

Sometimes I feel I've wasted her first three months. I'm fairly sure I've had a touch of depression, whether it be PPD or not. Being stuck in a house for 6 weeks straight (with a very energetic toddler, who is also stuck in the house, and therefore creates mess after mess) will do that to you. The speed with which those 3 months have flown by, exacerbates that thought. I've spent much of that time irritable and impatient. Yet, I've spent the great majority of that time holding Lily. Her grin annoys the mess out of me, in that, it is impossible to remain angry over anything when she flashes it. I was trying to feed her the other day, in a hurry to get to church, and she was doing her newest thing: grinning with the "food" still literally in her mouth. My comment: "Would you eat? Don't smile at me like that! It's impossible to fuss at you when you're being so dadgum adorable." Yep, we were late to church.

I was reading back over some of my musings from this time in Sammie's life, and came across this:

"I'm holding [my baby's] hand and I can't let go because, soon enough, she'll be letting go to blaze through the doors of kindergarten. Soon enough, she'll be in high school, holding some boy's hand...and then walking down the aisle to meet him... squeezing it as she bears his children. Soon enough, she'll be holding the hand of her own baby girl."

No, it most definitely won't be like this for long. But for today, I'm going to take the advice of Matthew 6:34 and let tomorrow worry about itself. For today, I'm going to hold my Lily, take in her smell, feel her breath on my cheek, and store many memories of her smiles. For today, I'm going to spend all day with Lily. For today, I'm going to make this last as long as I can.