Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Dreaming by Day

Stephen Richards said, "To dream by night is to escape your life. To dream by day is to make it happen."  In a day and a half, I plan to be dreaming by day.  For the past 4.5 years, I've wanted to be a stay-at-home mom.  Actually, as I was graduating college with my second BA, I was already planning in my mind how I could have a big family and stay home with my kids.  (Six years at UTK to stay at home... oh well, I enjoyed it).  However, the week before my maternity leave with Sammie was over, I stood in her room and cried my eyes out that I had to leave her to return to work.  I loved my job before that; I enjoyed my job afterwards; and ever since Lily was born, I've tolerated my job.  However, I have less than two days left there.  

Don't get me wrong.  It hasn't been bad.  I love the students I teach and many of the people I work with, and I enjoy working with Spanish and the yearbook.  It's just that my heart is elsewhere.  Part of it is down the hall, where Sammie has been in pre-school, graduating just a week ago.  I can't believe she's almost five.  The other part of it is about 15 minutes away, where Lily stays with a sitter every day.  It's a great situation, and I'm very grateful for the sitter we have, but she's just not me.  

So when we found out last September that we were going to add another baby to our treasure, David and I decided that it was time for me to stay home.  We've been working hard for the past (almost) four years to pay off all our debt except the mortgage, and with not having to pay childcare, we are ready to give it a try.  I'm sure it's not going to be easy, especially since we're used to having two salaries, but I know every minute will be worth it.  And I'm hoping to find some work to do from home so that I can continue to SAH til this little one is ready for school, at least. 

I have a week and a half (at most) til this little guy arrives.  Yep, after two girls, we have a boy on the way. I guess I'll have to amend my blog to say that a mother's treasure is her children, and not just her daughters.  My life will stay busy with trying to home school Sammie (who's just shy of the birthday cut-off for kindergarten), keep Lily from falling into the terrible twos (her birthday is in 2.5 weeks), take care of a newborn, and work from home.  I can't wait!  

It's been a long road, waiting for this day.  I've often found myself jealous of my other SAHM friends.  I'm sure my husband will be jealous of me getting to SAH, but he's said often that our kids need their mom at home.  I'm sure, at some point, I'll miss my teaching job, or the break from the house, but nothing can compare to seeing every first for my little boy, getting to teach Sammie to read, and never having to pry Lily off me when I have to leave for work again.  

A week or so ago, David and I were discussing whether we could make it financially, and I mentioned just going and finding another job and putting the kids in daycare within Sammie's earshot.  She immediately dissolved into tears, saying that I couldn't work anywhere she couldn't go.  She's been just down the hall from me, at school, for two years, and that's just about all she knows.  Her comment made me realize that I'm doing the right thing by staying with her in her formative years.  We might live on beans and rice sometimes, but we'll do it all together.